** Update about this post. This was originally written months ago, around December of last year. I have been too afraid to post it. In light of losing a friend over the weekend, I thought it was appropriate and time to share.  I have made a few updates to the original post**

This post is about what’s really on my heart, and I thought I would share (even though I’m a bit apprehensive).

I hop on Facebook and social media to see so many people suffering and in pain, physical and emotional. Sometimes needlessly.  So many times I want to reach out and try to help in some way. Not too long ago I did. And then I was rejected. It’s hard for me. REALLY, really hard for me. Rejection has been a huge part of my story. It is for many people, so I’m not unique in that way. As a result,  I’ve chosen to mostly sit back and quietly watch. I’ve chosen to be selfish. I’ve chosen to be safe and remain in my “comfort” zone. I’ve chosen to quiet the voice inside. Extinguish my own fire. I’ve been on a path of self-doubt and self-loathing. The shoulda, coulda, wouldas are getting the best of me.

I sit and watch. I let the pain go on. I have regrets. I know I should act, but I don’t. The fear takes over. I can not let it continue.

Busy and Alone…

There are too many people out there that are living in a quiet pain, suffering alone. You wake up each morning and put on a smile for the world because if anyone knew how you felt inside, you would be rejected. We are more connected socially than in all of history, yet we feel more alone inside than ever. Who freaking talks on the phone anymore? People get together less. You can forget having coffee with a friend.  The excuse of “I’m just too busy” is all too familiar. The “busynesss” of our lives is killing our souls. We are overwhelmed by just our thoughts. We need to connect more. We need to be needed and wanted. We need to reach out to each other and share on a deep level. We need healing and acceptance. We need to feel safe.

How Do I Know This?

I share this because I lived it. I lived the demands and busyness of running a small business while raising small children.  I was miserable. I suffered physically, mentally and emotionally. For a long, long time I suffered. And I am sorry to those of you who had to suffer with me. I was afraid. I was too afraid to really share what was going on because I might be rejected yet again. So I smiled pretty for the world.

The past 15 months (now 18 months) have been about being less busy. It’s been about connecting with people. It’s been about healing my soul and my relationships (or trying). It’s been about how having less has given me so much more.

I don’t want anyone to be like I was. I want there to be a safe place to connect and talk. I want people to be healthy mentally, physically and emotionally. So many of us are pretending to have it all together when we’re dying inside. STOP pretending!!

So What Can You Do?

Take a moment to reach out for a friend. Take a moment to be the friend for someone in need. I’m getting better at it, too. I’m working on becoming more unafraid and transparent. No more sitting back and quietly watching. If I feel like I can help in some way, then I will reach out.

It’s time to truly live.

Here’s to the start of a New Year, New Hope, New Plans and New Life 🙂  **End of original post***

** I lost a dear friend over the weekend. I somehow think she suffered as I did, as many of us do or have in the past. Quietly hiding from others. Hiding a pain no one could understand. And she suffered more because it got the best of her. Maybe we as her friends could have reached out more. Maybe she could have reached out more, too. The busyness of our lives sometimes makes us not see what’s right on front of us. But we also only reveal to others what we want them to see. We as humans are masters of disguise. Maybe we can be more transparent with each other. Maybe it will make a huge difference. Maybe it can save a life.**